Dear New NICU Mom,

Dear New NICU Mom

(A letter to myself)

I know you are terrified. All of these new machines, terms, and sounds…

 Stop asking yourself what you did wrong. I know you feel so guilty gazing at your sweet boy in the isolette hooked up to a CPAP and various other monitors. I know you feel guilty for every IV, blood draw, ultrasound, and eye exam, but there is nothing you could have done and nothing you did wrong. You did everything in your power to keep that sweet boy in your womb, where he belonged.

Someday you won’t have to sign in to see your baby.

Someday you WILL be that woman bringing your baby home that you see every day in the elevator.

Someday there will be no alarms of desats and bradys. No mention of level 2 brain bleeds or heart murmurs… this will all be behind you.

One day he will “just get it” like all of the nurses have told you so many times. He WILL drink his entire bottle! And you, the mom who breast fed both babies before, will be over the moon with joy that your son is taking a bottle. I know you never thought that would happen, but this experience has changed you. You will never be the same!

Someday you won’t leave the hospital crying all the way home feeling torn between spending time with your baby and time with your other children at home. Your sweet boy WILL come home.

Someday the alarms will stop going off to tell you that it is once again time for that midnight pumping session. Oh, that swish, swish sound of the pump. It reminds you that this isn’t right… your baby should be home with you. You continue to pump through the tears and sore nipples, and call the night nurse to make sure your son is ok.

Someday your boy will maintain his temperature and be moved to a crib!

Someday your boy will no longer require the oxygen cannula or ng tube!

Someday your boy will take 8 full feedings by mouth!

Someday there will be no more desats and bradys!

Someday your boy will go home!

The nurses who have become like friends over the past 9 weeks will come to rejoice with you and see him off. Some even with tears in their eyes. You are sure the NICU staff are angels on Earth.

Soon you will take your baby home! I know you are once again terrified, but you CAN do this.

Today is the day YOU are the one taking your baby home! All those days you had visions of unrealistically running out of the hospital baby in tow are OVER!

Today is the day your baby meets his sisters!